Read this even if you ignore it afterwards

Politics has always been interesting to me, but lately I’ve had a renaissance of types, this is due to the current ‘Clegg bounce’ or ‘Cleggmania’ or (as Alistair Campbell http://bit.ly/cEEODs with no sense of irony pointed out) the ‘Dianification’ of Clegg (let’s face it he’s the one who came up with ‘People’s Princess’ for Blair’s speech).

Yes I am a Liberal Democrat supporter, and have been ever since I started voting, but now there’s a whiff of something, a hint of a whisper that we could actually make a difference this election. So I was looking at what was needed for them to win and I hit a road block.

Using the excellent BBC seat calculator http://bit.ly/bDW9LT I played around with the percentages to see what swings would get them in. I found out that a swing of 40.5% of the vote would get them a one seat majority in the House of Commons. Ah.

What I also found out was that if the LibDems got 42.9% of the vote, the Tories 30% and Labour 27.1% then it would be a hung parliament.

Ermmmm What? How can a party gain 42.9% a full 12% more than the next and still not form a government?

“Well it’s because there would be more Tories and Labour politicians combined of course Loz, the LibDems wouldn’t be able to get anything done.”

“Really? Tories and labour voting together to thwart the LibDems? Would they really do this and prove it’s not about values but who can get what?”

So it would seem the current voting system is stacked towards the Old Boys Labour and Conservative, even if they get less of the vote, they can still win.

So I got down again, we’re never going to win. That was until I saw this.

I have heard so many people say, it’s throwing my vote away, they’ll never win, but if you all put your cross next to yellow the LibDems would thump the other two, old, parties.

It would give the LibDems a majority of 470 seats with Labour on 35 and the Tories on 31.

The LibDems are the only party who will reform voting, making it a clear case of most votes gets the win.

What's in the news?

Hello, good to be back and all that. Haven't got a lot to blog on a personal level so I thought I'd round up a few news stories that caught the eye.

ISP Police?

Firstly the Evil Lord Voldermort (or Peter Mandleson as he's know to some) is launching his 'three-strikes and you're out' policy on internet filesharing.

Btw. What is it with the Labour Government and their three-strikes? Possession of cannabis, asbos and now this? The postal workers should worry, (more on that later) it's their third strike today. Mandy will have them out!

Anyway back to the point, the Government's policy on internet filesharing, no hang on, let me correct that. ILLEGAL internet filesharing. Now this will be unpopular I'm sure, however we know it's illegal to do and just because now we face a chance of being punished for it should we moan, nope.

No, the thing we should moan about is how this is going to be policed. It isn't being controlled by the Government, or the police or even an independent company capable of looking into the claims and sorting the wheat (sites and servers that hold thousands of illegal downloads) and the chaff (normal people who've downloaded Alesha's (mmmmmm Alesha) new track from Pirate Bay)

You see the Government is broke and can't run another department so instead it's going to be up to 'Content Owners'. So that's the film, music and television companies to monitor and identify illegal sharers and bring it to the sharers ISP.

Some ISPs have already kicked off about it and Talk Talk have raised the important point that the proposal is putting forward the idea 'guilty before proven innocent', read more here

Not that bad for you?

My new favourite Professor has published another statement about cannabis use. The amusingly named Professor David Nutt, (not his real photo) has said that the Government and Jacqui Smith (surprisingly) fudged some of the data when the decided to re-classify Cannabis upwards last year, he claims that cannabis is less harmful than alcohol and that the mental health issues that everyone was screaming about last year where grossly over-exaggerated. He was quoted as saying that in order to prevent one episode of cannabis related schizophrenia it would be necessary to prevent 5,000 men aged 20-25 from smoking it.

Wow! The government is lying to us, oh hang on, I knew that already. Oh and here.

Oh and just in case you think I'm using some whack-job of a Prof to justify cannabis use, David Nutt is the Chairman of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, the very council that helped the government formulate it's plans to begin with and works at the centre for crime and justice studies at King's College.

A Faliure to Deliver.

Oh those Postpeople, greedy aren't they, hmmm? Striking? Well that's just wrong, let's hate them.

Here's why you should support them.

They aren't striking over pay (well not entirely). Back in 2007 when the last strike was on, the CWU negotiated the agreement and everyone went back to work.

However due to 'economic pressure' The Child Catcher and the Royal Mail have decided to ignore that agreement and go ahead with 'rationalisation' in order to 'streamline' the company.

What does the above sentence mean to you? If your bosses said this to you what would you think?

Redundancy? Sacking? Pay cuts? Me too.

So the CWU said, look you agreed the terms under the last strike that if you were going to change the rules you would consult with us so we could lessen the impact on our members.

The Royal Mail and Darth Vader said 'Bollocks to that. You'll take what we give you.' so the the CWU calls a strike!

OK that's a simplistic argument, but probably a version you've not heard becuase most media is reporting this as 'arsey-posties'.

Sometimes the Unions can get it right, sometimes they are a force for good and protect their members, they provide support against huge companies. I'm with the posties on this one.

A Fat Twat

Some say we shouldn't really give them the oxygen of publicity, the sadly departed Linda Smith said we shouldn't give them the oxygen of oxygen.

Regardless of you views on immigration or the EU, Nick Griffin and his tin-pot army are fascists, racists and homophobes. Listening to much radio recently I was surprised by how many people said 'I'm not racist but I'll vote BNP.'

Sorry but if you do vote for them you are racist, and if you really, REALLY don't believe you are racist and still vote for them then you're stupid.

Did they have a right to be on Question Time, yes. They are (sadly) a political group that has been voted into the European Parliament, the Greens get on to QT so the BNP should too.

The BBC (despite the fact it was done over ratings) were right to go ahead, as the people who protested outside were right to protest. How can they both be right? Democracy baby, the right to shout what you believe at the top of your lungs while a person is sat beside you shouting the exact opposite.

However, democracy can only be applied to those who do not cause harm. The BNP do and will if they achieve any power. Don't let the veneer fool you, they are against homosexuals, Griffin gets 'creeped out' by two guys kissing, but doesn't mind if they do it behind closed doors which does seem like a classic case of denying his own man-on-man feelings, (don't believe me check out the second paragraph in 'early life and education' here) he is against mixed race marriages and believes that anyone who isn't white, despite being born in the country, is of a second class to anyone who is.

Really didn't mean to give so much space to this, but ignoring this problem won't make it go away, destroying this vile, fat reptile through debate and exposure will.

And finally here's a cat stuck up a tree.

Ahhhhhh.

Ol' Skool

Mmm... burgers....

I love to cook... I really LOVE to cook nice food. If I had the money, the time and all the tools I would do it far more than I do now. I love it when you've gone out with an idea of what you want to make and you buy loads of lovely fresh ingredients.



A couple of weeks ago I realised that the market near where I live, in Watford, is one of the best places to buy my food and intend to buy food there more often rather than the Supermarkets.



So when I bought my food at the market it was to cook a birthday three course meal for my girlfriend. I got to the market at 7am on the Saturday morning, (That's almost 2 hours before I get up for work!!!), I went to the fish monger and bought some lovely Wild Sea Bass and all the other ingredients and headed home.

I think my biggest weakness is forgetting to take photos of the food I make cos this all turned out great! For a starter I made, Wild mushroom soup using two types of mushroom and served in a bowl with one giant mushroom at the centre. Main was Pan fried Wild Sea Bass served on a bed of fresh spinach which was cooked in butter, with a poached egg on top and pesto on the side. Then for dessert I had taught myself to make ice cream, (BY HAND!!!), this was very rich and creamy but oh so good... even if I do say so myself. I made a clotted cream flavour with crushed up Cadbury flake in it ... MMmmmm :o) served on chocolate drizzle with waffer straws and fans.

On saturday night I made pork burgers that consisted of minced pork with bramley apples and onion in them, pork stock cube and Wenslydale cheese with cranberries melted on top, shredded lettuce and mayo. The biggest problem was that I blended the onion and apple together then had to contend with de-juicing them.. I also had to use TWO eggs to bind this. Tasted good but again... I forgot to take photo's. I will try harder in future. My Italian burger is going to be my next burger concoction (sp?). I REALLY wanna get some of those DAMN expensive Global knives so that I finally have a blade that cuts without having to hack away at everything, (our sharpest knife struggled to get through a mushroom the other day!) and now I'm also interested in a meat mincing machine.. I have some ideas for some truly unique and awesome tasting burgers coming soon!!!

Well there you have it, a pointless blog but a blog none the less... now stop reading and get cooking!

Boyz in da Hood

During a soon to be drunken conversation in the pub a few days ago, we somehow got on to the topic of gangs and in particular, gang colours or signs and how ridiculous they can be.

About 11 years ago I was in Florida. One night I was walking down the street at Church Street Station, (CSS from now on,it's a street but it is called station for some reason). Back then this area was full of bars and clubs. It's avery long street and it is my understanding that one end of CSS was quite a rough area full of gangz, (I believe that is how 'G's' would spell it).

So I'm walking along with Vinnie Mac on my right, his name is Vince but back then Vinnie Mac would probably been his gangsta name, before I go on I should point out that, as Mr J has slightly dark skin, most people in the States assume that I am hispanic and quite often start speaking to me in Mexican or Chicana or whatever the fuck language it is they're using. I normally let them say everything they have to say before putting on the most cockney voice I can and saying, "WHAT?" lol.... so back to the tale... Me and Vinnie Mac were walking down the street this night heading to a nightclub, I was wearing the standard baggy jeans and an American football shirt and my fitted cap on backwards cos y'know, I'm a gangsta too like...




Parked on the side of the road was a car, the type with the hydraulic suspension, also known as Lo-Riders or Lo-Lo's, and sat upon the bonnet was an Ese with his two, (ugly), bitchez or 'hoochies'


This is what would be known as an Ese or a Vato...


Here's another one.


Vinnie Mac with his Bitchez in Da Hood

As I approached the Ese started staring at me, not in a good way, more of a "What tha fuck?" kinda way... of course this made me feel uneasy but I always think in any city you should act like you know what you're doing, so I kept his gaze fixed... well luckily for me, we walked on with no trouble and walked up to a bar, as I approached the door there was a giant man beast of a bouncer, unlike bouncers here in England, I found that the ones in the US know that they're big and could crush you so they're not unfriendly, ours are generally wankers who just need to feel some kind of power. So the bouncer says to me, "Can you turn your had around please sir?" I said, "Excuse me?" He repeated, "Can you turn your hat around please sir?" so in typical Mr J fashion I said, "Why?" and he said, "Sir if you do not turn your hat around you can not come in here, (and I might kill you)", ... ok that last bit's a lie but he did say I wouldn't be allowed in. Well I turned my hat around and in we went... this happened at other bars and at the night club.

So the next day we're at the pool bar talking to Rory the pool bar guy. Rory used to give us information about everything and so I asked him about wearing my hat backwards to which he responded, "Oh man, you do not wanna wear your hat backwards around there man, it's a gang sign in the area!" I was like, "Huh? What are talking about a gang sign?" He said, "Yeah if the wrong person saw you, you could get shot for that." Nice to find this out now as I had been in a 'Hood' area a few days before with my cap backwards.

I mean seriously, what? I can kind of understand, and I use that loosely because I think all the gang colour shit is stupid but I can kind of understand people like the Bloods wearing red or the Crips wearing blue or The LA Lakers wearing yellow and purple but wearing your HAT backwards? What is this gang called? The Hat Backwards Gang or THBG? "Yo man, I is a crip dawg, what click is you from?" "Yo homie, yo homie yo homie yo, I is from Da Hat Backward Gang! I is gonna pop a cap in yo ass biyatch!" Seriously? What kinda twat came up with that rule?

And you know, people actually get killed cos they wore the wrong colour on some random street, and these Gangsta's who OBVIOUSLY are rather unintelligent, feel like they're being "dissed" by Joe Shmo walking down the street in his favourite GAP t-shirt, just because it's not their favourite colour.

Unfortunately we can't just put this down to Yank from the hood thickness because now kids in the UK are copying them:

Excerpt from an article on www.timesonline.co.uk


"There seemed to be no obvious reason to pick on the teenage boy who was leaving the Tube station in West London. But within seconds he was being encircled by a group of young lads who forced him, at knifepoint, to take off his clothes before they allowed him to go on his way.


By the appalling standards of knife crime in London today this incident may not be classed as particularly shocking. Until you consider this: the hapless teenager was targeted because he was wearing a blue shirt. And in this particular sliver of London, this gang's chosen colour is, apparently, red. Wearing the wrong colour in the wrong territory smacks of disrespect - even if you were not aware of the “rules”. "

Ok kids these days don't really make the future of England look to rosey in general, most of them are filthy little scrotes that think they're bad asses anyway but starting on some random kid because he had a blue t-shirt on is just stupid. I think it's time for the police to hit these gangsta types harder. They like to play with knives and guns and wear their gangs colour so why not let them, round them up and ship them out to the front line in Afganistan. Why should our real soldiers be shot at first, stick these kids on the front line and let them shoot at a target that shoots back whilst wearing their new cammo gang colour. Then we'll see how tough they are as they act as human shields for are real heroic soldiers!

The Yanks should do the same thing.

Dreams: The Dead Emporium.

To sleep, for chance to dream.

I snoozed repeatedly today. Meandering around the 10 minute alarm break I enjoyed a game of chicken with my walk to work deadline. I am not a dreamer, normally… I am not saying I do not dream, some of my fondest moments of life are spent when my mind un-hinges from my body and I can escape a customer, a benign conversation or sum such. But this dream was too real, not so much an escape from reality but an immersion in something ultra-real. Something that actually drew to a close my game of cat-and-mouse with my arrival at work…



I dreamt I was underwater, with a group of pirate-type cads swimming. It reminded me of Pirates of The Caribbean. I don’t mean the light-hearted and fun swashbuckler of a tale, but more like the slide-show-shit -shovelling 3rd instalment. Anyway, we were swimming underwater towards the underneath of a ship. The hull of the ship was laden with dead bodies, at which point my mind stated, ’hmmm, must improve the structural integrity of the hull’. Odd I know, but I have watched a lot of Star Trek and certain aspects of Mr LaForge’s dialogue seems to have stuck.

It was at this point I realised I could not breathe. I was spluttering under the last ounce of my breath. At this point I looked up to see the surface. It was too far out of reach but I swam as hard as my dream-pirate (presumably without peg leg) body could. After what seemed like an eternity of empty sack of lung-age I reached the surface, gasping. It was at this point I awoke, gasping. I was totally out of breath, breathing as deep from my lungs as possible. Possibly reopening old arenas of my respiratory system that have long closed off to due to tar damage.

Anyway, where has this come from?

I’ve decided to explore various aspects of this out-of -body experience and see if it sheds any light upon the vagueness of my existence…

OK, so, I am gonna explore these: Ships, Pirates, Drowning, Dead bodies. I shall be using www.dreammoods.com to try and explain.

SHIPS:

‘To see a ship in your dream, denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and unconscious mind. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If it is a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If it is a warship, then you are experiencing feelings of aggression.’

Hmmm, so if the state and condition of the ship indicates my ‘emotional state’ then the dead bodies reveal a possible slight cause for concern. I mean, dead bodies I am sure is not a nice sight, but to be indifferent to it and to quote a character from Star Trek to explain its usefulness could prove more worrying.


DEAD BODIES:

OK, so this website seems to not have an answer for this one. Even ‘corpses’ pulled up no results. After trying a few synonyms to get some clarity I was half expecting a link to pop up and put me straight through to either some sort of online confessional or to some sort of internet based custody. But, nothing.


DROWNING:

‘To dream that you are drowning, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that are coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil’

Balls, bollocks and bloke-bits. Over-whelmed at times, yes.
There is a nice bit at the end which unfortunately due to the word choice of this author makes me sceptical. The writer adds the letter ‘r’ to ‘you’ to make this sentence nonsense, thus making their statement redundant.

PIRATES

‘To dream that you are a pirate, suggests that you are taking advantage of others. The dream may be a metaphor that you are "pirating" something and taking something that does not rightfully belong to you’

Well, if this is the case, then I am sorry and please prompt me if I have ‘pirated’ something from you.

So, a brief surmise of events and meanings there. OK, so I don’t feel the ship is relevant, I am not a pirate and I am not drowning. The only other thing I may need to consider is the vast ark I am building of corpses in the back garden.

Maybe that is it.

My exciting life! :oD

Aaaand so another weekend has passed at double time. I think that from 5:30pm on a Friday time changes, every 1 minute is the equivelent of a normal 2 minutes until Monday comes around again of course. I didn't really do much but time just flew by.

I've been given some pills by my doctor for my acid reflux, so he suggested I stop drinking while I take them so I figured that my gut should drop off a bit without the beer so I thought I'd go on a high protein diet too, surely that would help me to lose some weight? (well it would at LEAST give me really bad farts!). Well it's been 2 weeks now, I'm constantly starving! Saturday morning I was out of food so I went to the supermarket, I stopped off at work to have a protein shake and collect Nattie's car, (for those of you that don't know, Natalie is my Girlfriend and I've been looking after her car while she was on holiday).





I drove to Sainsburys and parked up. Then I took a stroll down to Game. I've been wanting Crackdown on XBox360 for quite a long time, when it first came out I bought it and hated it so I took it back but I've really been wanting it for the past couple of months. So I bought it for £7 second hand... amazingly it looks like a brand new copy :oD So I headed back to Sainsburys and I realised... Watford NEEDS a couple of foot bridges. You see, because it works on a stupid one way system there's a ring road going all around the town, so there's no direct, 'as the crow flys' route to the supermarket, you have to go all the way up the high street, a couple of foot bridges over that damn ring road would make life easier. So now I was forced to walk up the high street with all the fucktards.

What is it with people en-mass in shopping areas? I mean it's obvious why they made Dawn of the Dead about people in a shopping mall, people DO act like zombies. I mean, walking around, unable to go in a straight line, oblivious to their surroundings.


Actual shoppers at the Harlequin in Watford, I took the photo myself, promise.

Have you ever noticed the ones who walk in a group, normally taking up the whole pavement, normally with their stupid kiddie buggies of doom! They use those things like a bloody weapon, or a road safety tester. Well I was stuck behind a group of three guys, one was playing Mother for the day and these three inbreds, it appears, couldn't walk and talk at the sametime, nope, for these freaks of nature, they had to stop dead if they wanted to attempt to communicate with each other... very annoying when they're walking in front of you!



Like these but with a baby buggy of doom.


By the time I'd reached the supermarket, I was pissed off! Thick people everywhere! Now I had to deal with them in store too. So, I wizzed around and grabbed what I needed and then back home.

I made some breakfast, (at 1pm), a lovely 3 egg omlette :o) then I did some washing and had a tidy up. As you can tell, Mr J lives a VERY exciting life. Then I sat down and played Crackdown. I LOVED it, why did I ever take it back?





So I spent the entire weekend on this game, stopping only to make a cup of tea or to eat. I played until Nat came back from her holiday, saw her for like 2 minutes before she went home, apparently she couldn't wait to see me hahahaaa, then back on the game. At about 1am I was on a boss part of the level in a massive gun fight, I ran over to some metal structure to climb up and kill the boss but my character went through the graphic and was then stuck on the inside!!! There was no way out at all, I'd been in this battle for about 20 minutes and now bad programming was going to rob me of my victory! I had to kill myself and lose... at which point I switched off my XBox in disgust, trying desperately to hold back the tears!

At this point I went to bed and watched tv until finally I dropped off, only to wake up with a growl and a "FUCK!" when my alarm went off and I realised I was destined for another week of slavery at work.

And there ladys and gentlemen, was my oh so exciting weekend. It seems I had nothing more interesting to talk about today.

Why couldn't Skeletor defeat He-Man?

Cha cha cha!

While hard at work in my office/Ex-Fortress of Solitude, I began thinking... with all his power and henchmen, why couldn't Skeletor beat He-Man? Was he really a weakling and idiot with a bunch of buffoons as henchmen?


"Oooh I say, you're so naughty He-Man"

I mean think about it, Skeletor was a, (supposedly), powerful sorceror, he had a bunch of henchmen who initially were:

Evil Lyn - An evil and powerful, (sexy), sorceress.



Trap Jaw - A dude with a bear trap for a mouth and an arm that can change into a laser gun, chain saw, flame thrower, hook, fly swat and feather duster, (ok that last one's not true but the fly swat totally is!)


Trap Jaw seen here with one of his mates

Tri-Klops - Uuumm a dude with some kind of hat that has 3 eye holes on it that spin round to the front, each eye does different stuff depending on what you're reading or watching. Some say he can see in three directions others say he can only see from the eye in the front of his face... what a mysterious character. Originally he was supposed to be almost as strong as He-Man.


"GRRRRR! I'm ALMOST as strong as you He-Man!!!"

Beast Man - Basically a big orange ape. Perhaps some kind of Orangutan.


"Ooooh Oooooooh Aaaaaah Ahhhh Oooo!"

Merman - Part man, part..err.. some kind of green fish thing, Merman can swim.


"Glugg blubb blubb bbb"



Compared to He-Man's buddies...

Cringer - Adam/He-Mans cowardly giant talking green and yellow cat friend. When Adam turns into He-Man, he changes Cringer into Battlecat, turning him muscley and brave,luckily.


Uuumm there's loving your pet and...


Man At Arms - Or Duncan as he is otherwise known, Duncan is head of the Kings soldiers and an inventor, he is also Teela's foster father and one of the few people that know Adams... ...secret.



Teela - Teela is head of the Royal Palace Guards, biological daughter of The Sorceress and foster daughter of Man At Arms, she is an excellent fighter and life long friend of Prince Adam although she, like everyone else never notices that Adam looks identical to He-Man.


She's also into bondage.

The Sorceress - Keeper of the secrets of Castle Grayskull and creator of He-Man, (she gave Adam his powers), she lives locked in the castle and appears to He-Man in telepathic visions, I think she also turns into a hawk or something and flys to visit him sometimes.



Orko - Fool, the court jester who does magic badly and also knows Adams secret.



Ram-Man - Ooer... A dude with spring legs and an armour helmet... hehe, he likes to ram things ;o)


And looks somewhat retarded.

Stratos - Part man, part bird, he can fly and wears Blue Stratos aftershave.


"I might look stupid but I smell gooooood"

Ok so He-Man outnumbered Skeletor in the friends department but still, He-Mans friends were like a couple of soldiers and a couple of freaks, Skeletors minions should have been able to plough through them and there were plenty of times when He-Man was alone and this is when Skeletor should have attacked.

Firstly, Skeletor always fought with his staff, (too easy, even for me!), and never used his sword,(oh God, you're killing me here), secondly that staff was a magic staff but the only things that Skeletor ever did with it was fire laser bolts at He-Man! Why didn't he just turn him into a puny child and kill him? Also, Skeletor had Evil Lyn by his side. Skeletor was a powerful wizard, Evil Lyn a powerful witch... so get all your other goons to attack He-Man and while he's dealing with them, (remember, Tri-Klops is supposed to be almost as strong as He-Man), Evil Lyn and Skeletor both cast a nasty spell on him and bust him up! But no... Skeletor was just a weak stratagist with no good ideas for beating a near naked barbarian. He had so many opportunities and yet he never worked out how to beat his foe, who underneath it all was just some pansy Prince who dressed in pink with purple tights and fur pants on the outside of his trousers...



...shame on you Skeletor... shame on you.




Oh and as a special treat, this happened once....

CLICK HERE